if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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