i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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