I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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