that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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