So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I am morally bankrupt
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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