Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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