this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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