Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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