I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize