I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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