listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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