all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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