week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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