Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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