FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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