I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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