i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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