Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
