My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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