Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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