I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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