Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize