This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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