Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize