is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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