I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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