you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize