it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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