I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize