At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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