As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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