she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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