I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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