you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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