2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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