FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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