I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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