He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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