I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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