Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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