She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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