Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize