I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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