And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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