I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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