my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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