Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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