For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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