I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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