but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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