Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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