we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize